Ramen Thoughts
by Lilas
Summary: Older Naruto thinking about his mistakes and when exactly everything fell apart. (Sasuke/Naruto - shounen-ai)


Disclaimer: Me. Naruto. No own.  
  
Author's note: *evil laugh!!* I haven't written a fic in such a long time!!! This is a little idea that I had swimming inside my head and I wrote it mainly. This is dedicated to Moonsheen7 because she bugged me nonstop about writing a Sasuke/Naruto fic and there! I did! Naruto may sound whiny and melodramatic, but he has a reason! So there! And lesse. Must be kinda familiar with Volume 6, or know about Sasuke's misfortune of being bitten by Orochimaru and being cursed. That about it!! Sorry for the OOCness of it all, but I thought it was cute!  
  
//past dialogues//  
  
***  
  
Some things in life never changed. The taste of ramen was one of them. The nostalgia he sometimes felt was another. Sitting alone in the booth, waiting for his usual meal, he thought back on how life used to be. How simple it had to been to live. How easy it had been to face each dawning day. He was so innocent back then. He was so naïve.  
  
//'When I grow up, I'm gonna be Hokage! And then, everyone will have to acknowledge me!'//  
  
Skin wrinkled around tired blue eyes, tight lips drawing to a smile. He used to shout that to anyone who would listen -and who wouldn't listen too, for that matter. He'd wanted the world to know him. He'd wanted the world to forgive him. He'd played pranks on the elders, brought shame to the village; he'd tried everything in his power for people to see him. Him! Not the nine-tails. Not a demon who had killed, and rampaged, and destroyed, but him. A child lacking the love of parents and friends, with no one to guide him through life and teach him what was right and what was wrong.  
  
//'I'm gonna be Hokage! And then, everyone will have to acknowledge me!'//  
  
It had taken him years to grow up. It had taken a tragedy to make him see what he was doing, what he had not seen. He had been so selfish. He had run around trying to impress the world, and had never realized that the people who mattered, who he needed to see him for whom he was, did. They saw him and acknowledged him. Why couldn't he have seen it before? Before his foolishness cost them their lives...  
  
//'You better remember this name! 'Cause you're looking at the next Hidden Leaf Village Hokage!'//  
  
He pressed his bandaged arm closer to his chest, eyes shutting in pain. He wouldn't cry. He was too old to sob. He was too old to show his pain. Other people depended on him to be strong, to be the invulnerable one. Iruka wouldn't want him to cry. Kakashi wouldn't want him to cry... He hiccupped around the tight knot in his throat and pressed his eyelids together, trying to stop the tears from flowing down his scarred cheeks.  
  
Steam caressed his skin and he dared an eye open, staring straight into a bowl of ramen. How long had it been since he was last able to enjoy such a commodity? He used to eat it all the time, stuffing it down his throat faster than he could say Hokage, yet it had been so long since his last bowl. Now that he thought of it, the last time he had been here, Sasuke and Sakura were with him, celebrating their entrance into the Jounin world. Commemorating their next step into adulthood, the turning point of their lives. It had been an unforgettable party, their laughter echoing all around the small restaurant and down the street. Life had seemed giving then. It had seemed forgiving.  
  
//'Uzumaki Naruto! Remember that!'//  
  
"You all right there?"  
  
"Hai. I'll be fine. Thank you Ishu..."  
  
"No problem kid. This one's on the house."  
  
Blue eyes gazed up and clashed with old, wised brown orbs that told the story of many more like him... Lost souls searching for an answer they would never find. Forcing a smile, pale hands picked up the spoon and began ravishing the feast before him. How long had he gone without eating this time? The missions just seemed to get longer and longer... Lonelier and harder.  
  
"How's the arm?"  
  
"It's healing. Another week and I won't need the sling anymore."  
  
"So you're off-duty?"  
  
"I'm never off-duty, Ojiisan. You should know that."  
  
The man didn't continue the conversation, much to the blond's relief. He didn't feel like chatting tonight. He wanted to rest. He wanted to pretend he was a kid again, and that at any minute Iruka would show up and ask him if the seat was taken, sit down, and enjoy a ramen meal with him, filling up the emptiness in his heart for a few precious hours. A few hours that made him feel whole... That made him feel alive.  
  
//'Remember me!'//  
  
"Is this seat taken?"  
  
Slumped shoulders tensed and blond hair whipped on his face with the snapping of his head. Blue eyes opened wide, taking in the sight of the person sitting down next to him. Pale arms resting on the table, hands folded, chin resting on them, and deep, dark eyes staring at him with an intensity he didn't remember they could produce.  
  
"Sasuke..."  
  
"Hello, Kitsune."  
  
He hadn't changed. He didn't seem to have changed. And yet, there was a deep loss radiating from the body sitting next to him; a loss he could relate to. How long had it been now? Five, ten years since they hadn't seen each other? What happened? They used to be so close. The inseparable trio. The unbeatable trio. What had then defeated them and torn them apart? When did it happen? He knew of course. But he didn't want to remember the beaten body, limbs torn and ground soaking the blood.  
  
"How's Ringo?"  
  
"... Dead."  
  
Black eyes widened and stared, unblinking, unmoving, demanding to know. Blue eyes closed, unwilling to share, not ready to relieve it. It had been such an unnecessary death. It had been such a waste of a good life. It had been just like Sasuke's near-death. It had been his lack of fighting skill and the damn fact he had yet again lost consciousness. Why? Why did he always pass out? Why did he always cost his friends' lives?  
  
"What happened?  
  
"He saved me... Just like you saved me from Haku. He sacrificed."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"So am I. He was a good man."  
  
"And that?"  
  
The man looked down to his broken arm, a bitter smile blooming on his lips. It had all been this stupid limb's fault. It had all been his fault.  
  
"It was broken during the fight. I passed out. He died while I was down."  
  
"Naruto..."  
  
"Don't Sasuke. Just... let me mourn."  
  
Silence fell over both men, a velvety curtain of comfort between two comrades. He stared at his ramen, the spoon tightly clenched in his hand, his vision blurring. It was the steam. He wasn't crying. It was the steam that was causing his vision to blur. Another hiccup, another breath held as teeth bit into flesh to keep the sobs inside. He had to be strong. Ringo would have wanted him to.  
  
A warm hand covered his, agile fingers softly rubbing circles on his hand, relaxing his tight grip on the spoon. Another hand cupped his cheek and forced him to look at the man next to him, his childhood friend... His rival... His lover... Another hiccup. Gentle fingers wiped away salty tears and softly kissed flushed, damp cheeks.  
  
"Let me be with you."  
  
"Where have you been?"  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Why did you leave me?"  
  
"I..."  
  
"How can I trust you? I'm hurting, Sasuke."  
  
He looked up then, blue eyes tearing and tearing apart (1), soul vulnerable and body frail. A soft breeze ruffled their hair, dark bangs mixing with blond strands. Black eyes hardened with determination, a soft edge invading them as he continued to examine the lost man in front of him. He had done this.  
  
"Sakura... asked me to take care of you."  
  
"Sakura-chan..."  
  
"She..." a soft laugh, so rare in itself, "she told me she'd come back from the dead if I hurt you. She should be coming any minute now."  
  
"Sasuke... Where have you been?"  
  
"I'm free, Naruto."  
  
"... Orochimaru?"  
  
"He's dead. I killed him. I'm free..."  
  
"Is that where...?"  
  
A swift nod and the beginning of two identical smirks slowly blossoming into wide smiles took over their features. Impulsively, the shorter man grabbed a fistful of his companion's shirt and pulled him towards him in a hug, droplets wetting the dark shirt; similarly tears pooled down from the dark eyes staring at the man in his arms.  
  
"It's over."  
  
"Will you stay?"  
  
"Only if it's on your team."  
  
"I need someone with nine-lives."  
  
"You calling me a scaredy cat?"  
  
"What if I am?"  
  
"I'll have to teach you a lesson or two."  
  
In one swift movement, lips locked, eyes closed, and the last of the tears fell, unnoticed by anyone but by the burning cells of their heated cheeks.  
  
***  
  
(1) Tearing (as in tears) and tearing (as in to tear apart). I thought it was a funky play on words. *giggles*  
  
And before you all kill me with flames, I LOVE SAKURA!!! I think she's one of the -the- coolest girls ever!! Especially in Naruto! I dunno why I had her dead... That made me really sad... That's all I had to say... I like her. *nods nods*  
  
*Waves flags around* Yay!!! My first Naruto fic!! Hopefully a lot more to come. Only if I get reviews!!! So press that little bottom on the left where it says Go and GO!!! Fly!!! Review!!! Give me my fix!!! I'm a review addict. I should form the RAA. Review Addict Anonymous.. I know of a few people who would join. *giggles* SO REVIEW!!! *waves waves* 


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